hold it tight*

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Monday, October 30, 2006 9:55 PM

iTs bEeN qUitE sOmE dAyS i hAvE bEeN dReaMing aBout U........
these few days not in a good mood at all.....i have been dreaming of u lately.....i guess probably because i miss u.......i think back alot of the things that have happened.......the days i enjoy spending with u....the days where u help me pick myself up and the days i made u smile......i hope it can all happen again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.......u are the onli one i trust now......but sometimes i juz feel that i want to be left alone in a world where nothing happens and no one around me....BUT ! i dun like the feeling of being alone too !!! i am so confuSed....hAiZ.....sometimes i really wonder wat are real friends.....are they people that walk away when u have a problem or are they people u trust whom u tell them ur secret.....and they actually tell it to everyone.....or are they people who juz come looking for u when they need ur help or juz leave the person out when they go out.....juz cause u dun like the person ??? is that wat really mean by the word friends ??? someone once told me that i get easily bullied.....yea now i agree with it totally......cause i dun usually get angry with things....i juz keep quiet pretending that nothing has happened and act like a little kid that doesnt know anithing that has juz happened......but actually i am suffering deep inside.....no one knows cause i am juz keeping it inside and quietly suffering......and when something goes wrong....i am always the one at fault, sometimes its really my fault i admit.....but sometimes even i didnt cause the trouble the blame is always to me.....and i juz have to accept the punishment cause everyone is against me......proving that everyone aims me when there is trouble.....now i understand why u said i am easily bullied cause i am usually the target for everything that goes wrong.....very seldom i dun get the blame......u said that me remaining as a kid would be better.....isit because........hAiZ =(
its so unfair....i always keep my troubles within myself......it definately is not a good feeling.....its been some days that i have dreaming about u, its all the same dream....i dunno why....hAiZ =( i am very confused....i dun know wat to do.....hAiZ ='( some people have countless friends...while i mine is u can count so easily cause its onli like 1 ~ 10......easy right ? hAiZ....it wasnt like this a few years before.....why ??? have i become someone that everyone is scared to become friends with ??? or am i so hate-able that everyone dun want to be friends with me.....mayb being alone would be so much better as there would be no one that can blame me for anithing or hurt me......BUT ! i dun like the feeling to be alone......i juz hope i can have friends who dun usually hurt me.....but i know there is nothing of such would happen.....cause u dun always get wat u want so easily.....today it was raining after we were released from school after remmedial i juz walked in the rain.......and i was thinking of that day when it was raining......i can never forget wat happened.......and everytime i see the rain i will think of u......recently i have been playing basketball and scocer to try and forget my misery......but i cant.....hAiZ......everything have changed greatly for me this year....so much has changed.....hAiZ ='( i juz want to be a kid and live a carefree life watching cartoon everyday without hainto worry about anythin !!! but too bad i cant turn back time ='(

i hOpE i cAn mAke u sMiLe aGaiN ='(

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